Breaking Free from the "Good Girl" Trap: Redefining Success for Women with PhDs
From an early age, women are conditioned to be high-achieving while also meeting the expectations of being agreeable, accommodating, and “good.” The culture of the academy, the experience of doctoral training and the norms and traditions of many professional fields and organizations reinforce the Good Girl Trap for women with PhDs and other doctorates.
While there is no single person credited with coining the exact phrase, the idea behind the "Good Girl Trap" has been widely discussed in relation to perfectionism, imposter syndrome, and the pressure on women to succeed within male-dominated structures while maintaining societal expectations of likability and self-sacrifice.
Day to day, the "Good Girl" Trap manifests for women with doctorates as:
Overachieving to Prove Worth – Feeling the need to accumulate degrees, titles, and accomplishments to validate their expertise and intelligence.
Perfectionism and People-Pleasing – Avoiding risks or speaking up for fear of being perceived as too aggressive, too opinionated, or not likable.
Sacrificing Personal Fulfillment – Prioritizing career advancement and external success over what truly brings joy and meaning.
Struggling with Boundaries – Taking on too many responsibilities, often at the expense of personal well-being, because of an ingrained sense of duty.
Do any of these sound familiar? If so, you are not alone. As a result of these deeply ingrained ways of being, habits and mindsets, many women with PhDs push themselves to achieve more without pausing to ask whether these accomplishments align with their personal values and priorities. Over time, this relentless pursuit of external success can lead to burnout, frustration, and a sense of disconnect from one’s true purpose.
The clients I coach are women with doctorates who have spent years excelling academically and in their fields, meeting rigorous academic and professional expectations. They have built impressive careers, amassed achievements, and have advanced, or are about to step into leadership roles. Yet, it is at this stage—after proving themselves, earning recognition, and reaching the heights they once aspired to—that their deeper yearnings emerge. It’s not that they don’t value accomplishment, but they begin to sense that something is wrong or missing.
On the outside, by societal standards, they appear to have it all. On the inside, they often feel miserable, unfulfilled, like an imposter, overwhelmed, and guilty that they are not happy despite “having it all”. They come to coaching seeking clarity about what it is that they want and support to build confidence and skills to make the career and life changes they yearn for.
So, what if success wasn’t about meeting societal expectations? What if it was about living a life that reflects your deepest values and aspirations?
Breaking free from the Good Girl Trap means shifting from seeking approval to self-actualization—aligning one's work with personal values, desires, and a greater sense of purpose. Society continues to reward women who follow expected career trajectories, and stepping away from those norms can feel like swimming against the current. Yet, the women who dare to embrace a new definition of success often find a deeper sense of purpose and fulfillment. They give themselves permission to prioritize meaning, joy, and well-being rather than relentless achievement.
What are your deepest held values and priorities at this moment in your life? Take a moment to reflect on the following questions.
What do you truly want?
What values and priorities shape your vision for success at this point in your life?
I invite you to download the accompanying worksheet to explore your values and priorities in more depth.
Worksheet link: https://bit.ly/phdwomenlifevalues
